Thinking back, the omens had been there for at least two months already. No—if you consider mere possibility, you could trace them even further back, for years. Ever since his brother had been holed up on that cursed island off the east coast of Africa, the omens were there.But he’d turned away, averted his eyes, willfully ignoring them—and in the end that reality came crashing in. In the form of his brother himself.Taeui had been clearing the overgrown grass in the backyard all summer—neatly mowing it down, under Peter’s exacting scrutiny more than once—when he received an unexpected visitor. Without so much as a notice, his brother appeared: the very one who ought to have been on that scorching land.“Jaeui hyung?!”Taeui wiped the sweat from the bridge of his nose with his forearm, holding his sickle in one hand, and blinked at Jaeui’s sudden appearance around the corner of the yard. Jaeui followed Kyle, who strutted ahead, chiming “What a beautifully aged house,” and then turned to Taeui with a calm “Taeui.”Taeui shrugged off his sickle onto the burlap sack, approached in bewilderment, and then realized he was really here when he felt the warmth of Jaeui’s light embrace in place of a greeting.“What brings you here all of a sudden?”“Ah… just felt like it.”Not “just,” though. That vague “ah…” at the start struck Taeui as suspicious—Jaeui usually spoke deliberately, rarely hesitating mid-answer.Noticing Taeui’s puzzled look, Jaeui’s impassive face flickered with an expression impossible to describe.Taeui glanced at Kyle behind him. Kyle grinned and raised his eyebrows.“A couple of hours ago, I got a call from Mr. Jaeui. He’d just landed at Tegel Airport and asked if he could stay for a few days. I was delighted, so I invited him. To surprise you, I didn’t tell you in advance. Surprised?”“Yes… well…”Taeui scratched his head. If Kyle had only just been told two hours ago, it must’ve been a surprise for him too.He pretended not to notice James glaring at them from the back gate, clutching his briefcase with a bleak expression, and turned to head inside.“Let’s go in, hyung. I’ll show you to the guest room. Kyle, why don’t you change— or finish up with James if you have something left?”Taeui practically shoved Jaeui through the door, thinking that in another life James must have been a fragment of Buddha.But those thoughts slipped away as he led Jaeui to the guest room.Jaeui’s face was as inscrutable as ever, calmly taking in his surroundings—and he carried no luggage. Only the edge of a passport peeking from his coat pocket contained all his belongings.He’d never cared much for material things, but this looked more like someone who’d been driven away without time to pack. Driven away…“Hyung, were you driven out from there?”Taeui had brought a fresh set of clothes and shrugged as he stepped out onto the terrace adjoining the room, where Jaeui sat leisurely on a wooden chair.“No,” Jaeui shook his head.Taeui nodded. Of course. The powerful patron in the Middle East who’d contracted Jaeui had spent years using every means to bring him into his institution. Now that Jaeui was finally settled in Riyadh, there was no way he was being kicked out.“But really, why come without a word? Vacation?”“Yeah, maybe.”“Maybe? Why ‘maybe’ for a vacation?”“I said I’d take a few days off, but I haven’t heard back.”“What…?”“Well, I guess it’s fine. They didn’t say no.”Jaeui waved a hand. Seeing that calm expression, Taeui felt far from comforted.Jaeui had always been a bit inscrutable, but to show up unannounced was uncharacteristic.“Nothing wrong, is there?”“Ah… not really.”Again with that vague “ah…” Taeui scratched his head but let it pass with a sigh. If Jaeui had something to say, he would; if not, he wouldn’t. And Jaeui never spoke until his thoughts were fully formed.Taeui decided to simply enjoy his long-overdue reunion. After all,“Mr. Jaeui: about that hypothesis with Pablo Pibro you mentioned— I looked it up, and you were right. The 1879 edition proves it on different grounds than the first edition. He must’ve recognized the logical flaw in the original belatedly.”Kyle’s cheerful voice floated down the hallway as he stepped in with a tattered book. Taeui realized he’d have to share his brother’s attention for a while.No matter. In this situation, it was wise to relish his brother’s company. Few people were as free from “worry” as Jaeui. He’d sooner worry about the sky falling than worry about Jaeui. Just the timing of his arrival proved it.Early that morning, Ilrey had left Berlin on a short contract, ostensibly to be away for days. Perfect timing for a real killing. He could almost picture it: Ilrey returning the very day Jaeui left.Yet Taeui was grateful that those two never crossed paths, and he would enjoy this brief time with his brother.When had the siblings last lived so calmly under one roof?Even if Kyle showed up often with old books to debate with Jaeui, drawing James’s piercing glances onto Taeui, or if Ilrey called late at night about Jaeui’s whereabouts and forced an uncomfortable silence for seconds—though they spent more time quietly apart than in conversation—Taeui felt content.A few peaceful nights later, he sat on the terrace beside a pensive Jaeui, sipping a perfectly chilled beer and listening to the insects, feeling utterly satisfied.“Taeui.”Jaeui’s quiet summons broke the silence. Half-closing his eyes, Taeui drowsily answered, “Hm…?”“Do you think a life with a lover is better than a life without one?”But when Jaeui spoke again, that serene feeling shattered and Taeui’s sleepiness vanished.“Hm…? Well…”He mumbled that it depended on the situation, but generally yes. Then he watched Jaeui with curious eyes—this was a topic he’d never heard from him before.Jaeui looked serious.“Even if that lover is someone who’s more than a mere crush, but you’re not sure how deep that feeling goes?”“So you mean it’s better to have even a reluctant partner than none? Well… I guess it varies by person. If it’s just a stopgap until someone better comes along, I wouldn’t recommend it. But if it’s simply about having or not having someone, having is probably better.”Taeui frowned at the unfamiliar question but answered readily. Any relationship that offered a chance to gain something unseen was worth having. Sometimes even a second-choice bond could be valuable—feelings and relationships change, after all.In my case, he thought, it’s as though I accidentally ended up in a relationship that can’t be called ideal. Nowhere in my dreams did I imagine that moment when I first met Ilrey Regrow, when I first heard his rumors, or when I watched his gore-splatter film, that he and I would end up like this.Who could have pictured that someone would live with that lunatic, let alone that person being me?Taeui shook his head to banish the dark thoughts and turned back to Jaeui.If my brother finds a lover, I welcome it. It would give him a source of strength far from home.But…“Why ask that now? It’s not exactly a usual topic for you.”Taeui’s unease grew. He couldn’t shake a shadow of worry recalling someone from the past—someone very close to Jaeui now.Jaeui paused, lowered his head as if in thought, then spoke quietly.“Raman wants to be my lover.”Damn. Hope kills, as they say.So finally he said it—casting aside religion, dignity, common sense, and the past. Hearing Jaeui’s blunt admission, all of Taeui’s vague fears rushed in.“Are you joking?”“I asked him the same. He said no.”“And then?”“I asked if it was for political reasons. No.”“…”“I asked if it was strategic. No.”He must have considered economic motives—and ruled them out last. Leaving the simplest conclusion for last. Though most would have laughed it off, Jaeui’s not that dense.“So…?”Taeui asked at the end of every possibility.“After thinking more, I asked if he simply wanted my sperm. He paused, then said no.”When Jaeui answered calmly, Taeui fell silent.Suddenly he felt a pang of pity. Jaeui must’ve mustered great courage, weighed every factor, and chosen that moment to ask—only for his intention to be twisted in every direction, even assumed monstrous.Yet Taeui understood what countless others had wanted of Jaeui in the past, and his heart ached imagining his brother’s composure as he asked.Without thinking, he blurted out words he barely wanted to say.“Maybe he simply loves you for you.”Jaeui closed his eyes briefly, as if pondering.But he must have known. If nothing else, he’d heard those words now.“Yeah. That must be it.”Jaeui nodded, murmuring as if at last reaching a conclusion on a question he’d found puzzling.Taeui, sobered, looked longingly at the beer can in his hand. It no longer tempted him.His feelings were tangled. As someone living with a man myself, it might sound odd, but he hoped his brother would follow a normal path—who knows what life brings, but that way lay the greatest chance for “ordinary, rightful happiness.”Still, watching Jaeui grapple with this, Taeui sighed. If it weren’t a question worth pondering, Jaeui wouldn’t have raised it.And the very fact there was room to worry meant…

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