The amount of betrayal I felt this time was doubled. By the Creator, this feeling is awful. Betrayal from Ragu, whom I trusted to a stupid degree how could I have predicted such treachery from him? And betrayal from Garrod, which shocked me too, but not nearly as much as Ragu's.

Ragu's betrayal in particular hurt in a way I won't deny. The pain felt as if Iris or Raven had betrayed me. Since the recent events I had considered Ragu a comrade.

Still, some things I hadn't paid enough attention to are now clear.

For example, if Ragu's spirit had no desires at all, how did it remain stuck in the physical world? At first I tried to convince myself it had to do with the Madness Authority or some random explanation. He acted like a fool… but fools don't survive long in the Lower District, nor do they die at the hands of a researcher-doctor. He was performing, expertly, my man.

I stared at his spirit, white and emptied of desire.

"Why is your spirit white?" I asked.

He answered without daring to look up at me.

"This is something Garrod did to make you trust me more. He somehow obscured all my desires and made me not think much about them."

So that's it. He can do that? The Controller's power is far more dangerous than I thought extending even to the dead.

Pieces of the picture started to fit together. Garrod is the villain in this story, apparently. That explains why Iris and Raven were sent with the inspector's aide to face that researcher alone while he didn't go himself. It also explains the merchant turning into a blazing monster well, it helps explain some of it at least.

The Controller loves staging spectacles and wouldn't kill me except in a way that suited his show. He wanted me to face Valentine so I'd die in front of him in some dramatic, theatrical fashion that satisfies his sick taste.

I don't know if I should be relieved that I won't die immediately or scared because I won't die immediately.

There's another problem: how far can this man go? If this is true, does it mean he also manipulated the cook? Tricked him with that book or something else? Adam should have asked the cook more about that.

I looked at Ragu for a long moment and asked,

"And what did he promise you for helping him? You didn't cooperate for no reason, right?"

At first he resisted, but he finally admitted,

"He promised to bring me and my companions back to life."

Bring the dead back to life? I don't think the Controller can do that. Most likely he was simply deceiving and manipulating him. Trusting Garrod sounds ridiculous, but I didn't say that out loud. After all, I was deceived by him once too.

No, not because I care about Ragu's feelings. Of course not. It's just that I don't mind if he's deceived. Let him be deceived, fine.

The idea of deceiving him crossed my mind as well: promise to restore him to life in exchange for working with me and betraying Garrod. That might have worked maybe I could fool the Controller.

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't give someone a false hope of getting what they wanted only to crush it with my hands.

I think it's the Miracles Authority, that cursed power that sometimes forces me to be more human than I should. Now I don't think this comes from pretending to be Jevan's feelings. Still, even without the Authority I have some principles somewhere, though I rarely use them they exist somewhere, certainly.

So what do I do now? I don't think I can simply let him go. He might tell Garrod that I discovered his betrayal, and they may end up cooperating to take me out again. That idea doesn't seem far-fetched.

Then there's the other problem. I don't think I can kill spirits. How do you kill someone who is already dead? What happens next? Do they become some super-ghost? I'm very curious to see what happens.

Even if I could, I don't think I want to. Yes, he betrayed me. But… I don't know. For some reason I don't feel that deep, burning hatred toward him just a small, mild disappointment.

Is that what normal people feel when betrayed?

I raised my head and asked,

"Did you intend for me to die while fighting Valentine?"

"At first, honestly, I didn't care about that. But over time I didn't want that to happen to you. In every fight you were almost dead then came back. So I thought you could somehow kill Valentine and succeed."

Nice, a bad intention at first, then a late conscience. How touching.

Truth? It was annoying to hear he didn't care about my death initially much more annoying than learning he betrayed me. Yet his admission that he changed his mind made things more complicated. My emotions were a mess. I felt disappointment from the betrayal, yes, but not rage.

Anyway, the images assembled in my head. Garrod, that Controller who still controls half of the Lower District. He is the reason Iris and Raven died, the reason for Ragu and his companions' deaths. He's responsible for Adam and Diana turning into fragments. In short, he is the cause of all my suffering from the start until now.

It wouldn't be surprising if he was also behind that madman who killed me at the moment I took over Jevan's body. Nor would it be odd if he's responsible for many things I still don't know.

I raised my hand to rub my face.

"Great. All roads lead to Garrod."

And this time I felt real anger. Yes, I want to kill him. I want Garrod to die in the worst possible way. I don't want him to just die; I want him to suffer in the cruellest ways before he dies.

I've never felt this much hatred for a person. I don't remember ever wishing anyone's death this intensely.

Now my desire is clear: I will make Garrod suffer. I'll do everything to kill him.

Normally I wouldn't think of facing a man this powerful directly, but now I have another objective besides returning home.

I will make Garrod suffer even if it means I never find my way back. Until now the only thing that kept me clinging to life the reason I avoided risky moves was the desire to return to that place.

After the last fight, after I felt like I might really die for the first time, I decided to calm down and avoid dangerous fights. I realized my limits in returning from death.

Now I don't care. I'll die if it means Garrod dies with me.

The feelings I have now are hard to describe, but they will, without a doubt, be a powerful driving force. I will kill you, Garrod… I will make you suffer.

But something was wrong. I couldn't identify it at once, but something felt off.

"I wish I could know if there is any force affecting me."

A violent, piercing headache struck me stronger than any before.

This time I didn't move. After several seconds of excruciating pain, the golden threads appeared again.

They didn't touch Ragu; they hovered in the air around us, trying to approach but failing, as if an invisible barrier prevented them from reaching.

I noticed one thin thread that barely pierced that barrier. It wasn't connected to Ragu; it was attached to me.

I waved my hand and the thread vanished with almost no effort.

Most of my rage faded then not gone entirely, but it dropped significantly.

I'm still angry, but now I don't want to storm off and confront Garrod face to face immediately. Apparently, in some way, I had been under Garrod's influence.

Honestly, I didn't expect this. The first time I discovered the threads, none could reach me. Now, despite its fragility, a tiny thread almost got through.

Alright that was extremely unexpected, and now... there's a big problem in all the previous analyses I made.

First: when exactly did Garrod's influence begin? It began after I made that wish the wish for Ragu and me to be alone in that situation. I think the reason he was able to affect me ties back to that.

If I were to form a theory, since he couldn't affect me before, the issue most likely goes back to the Authority of Miracles. I think it weakened while the wish was being granted, while Garrod's surveillance was being blocked and he, apparently, is very powerful.

There are a few good things about that. First, it looks like the Authority of Miracles is extremely strong. And second... no, that's the only good thing about it.

And this is, frankly, a huge problem: with just a single slender thread Garrod was able to amplify my emotions to that degree. What will happen if I fall completely under his influence?

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