That night, I laid in my hammock, gazing up through a round window at the stars overhead, thinking about my misrepresentations and what the future held. A single thought wandered across my mind like a leaf in the wind. It was the turn of a screw, past which a man—or a hummingbird—was forever changed.

I was regressing. There was no denying it, and I refused to let the despair I felt at my wife's death become an excuse for it. There was no excuse, nor could there be: I was regressing, and it upset me, maybe even greatly. Make no mistake, I wasn't angry with myself; I was far too tired for that. No, I was just… disappointed. I'd come so far, literally losing my own humanity in the process, and yet, I was falling back into old habits, like nothing had ever changed.

I was holding myself back, and concealing inconvenient truths. I still hadn't told EUe my real reason for coming here. He didn't know I wanted to stop his people from using their grand weapon not because my world was at risk, but because &alon was.

I hadn't told him that I was a piece of the evil that had destroyed his world, and so many others'.

Sleep eventually claimed me. Even so, it wasn't powerful enough to calm my thoughts.

I worried in my dreams.

It was with these troubles percolating through my mind that EUe and I trudged into the Cage and prepared for our next match.

After getting outfitted with weapons and armor, we marched onto the arena floor. And it wasn't just us. Eight other twEfE gladiators were participating in the event, all of them fully decked out in arms and armor.

The announcer spoke as we stepped into view on the arena floor.

"Never forget, folks: down to the last sliver, every thrill and chill these matches give you are in honor of the Ecumene and our heroes out in the elU fields. Gods, I love being Ruby, don't you?"

The crowd went wild. "For the Nectar! For the Nectar!"

"Workers of the world," the announcer said, "we salute you!"

The audience saluted us with ceremonial tongue-thrusts.

I raised my arm to block the glare of the sun, directly overhead. The crowd crowed—if hummingbirds could crow—as the ten of us stepped into view. I could almost feel the heat of the crowd's breath wafting down to us. Iridescent wingbeats rippled through the stands.

Today, the nectar fountains usually out in the arena were nowhere to be seen. Instead, streams of fine, chilled nectar poured down from spigots that emerged from the walls like struts, high, high above. The golden falls vanished into drains in the arena's floor. Combined with the breeze coming down from above, the nectar's sweetness and cool, pleasing moisture caressed my head and senses in the midday heat. I lolled my tongue.

The other gladiators were getting antsy. They petered about on their feet, flicked wings, weapons, and tongues.

"And there we have it, folks," the announcer said, "the combatants have assembled. It's the moment you've been waiting for. We've got another battle royale for you, but this time with a twist: battle buddies!"

The crowd whooped.

"Oh no," I muttered, "not this again."

"Our ten combatants have been grouped into five pairs. Victory goes to whichever pair—or half thereof—is left standing."

There was a pause as all of us gladiators stared down one another, awash with conflicting emotions: hope, suspicion, insight, and fear.

"Combatants, take your places!"

Five rings of light appeared across the arena floor, instantly splitting us up into five groups of two. Our white armor changed color based on which ring we were in. Thankfully, EUe and I had been standing close enough to one another that we got roped into the same team: blue team.

EUe leaned toward me and whispered. "Just focus on staying alive. You can handle defense."

"That's fine by me."

It was what we'd been leaning toward anyway. I'd create forcefields with my pataphysics to send any would-be attackers flying back the way they came, while EUe would bring the heavy damage with his blaster magic—fire and lightning flavors.

Still, I couldn't help but give a downward, downcast look and a sigh.

I held up my wings.

"Get ready, folks," the announcer said. "Any second now…"

EUe looked me in the eyes. "Genneth… is something wrong?"

I tilted my head side to side. Of course something was wrong. But how could I say that here and now? I was slipping back into the same old self-destructive cycle of denial and avoidance that had nearly ruined my family and marriage, and I'd let it happen—and not just here, but in d'zd world, too.

I'd had little trouble coming clean to the Treefathers. What changed?

Duh: I had.

I'd lost hope. And, more than that—

—Holy Angel…

Just then, an electric frisson raced down my spine. My wings flinched.

I had a revelation in miniature: I hated &alon. I hated what she was, and what she did to me; what she'd done to all of us. And yet, there was no denying that, with her at my side, I'd grown. My belief in her illusions and misrepresentations had gotten me to change. It was an embarrassing admission, but it was the truth. With her at my side, I'd learn to take charge and own up to my mistakes. For once in my life, I wasn't just a fistful of waffles; I was fudging decisive!

And now I was throwing it all away.

And yet…

Yes, my adventures with &alon had been based on misunderstandings and lies. But what I'd learned along the way? How I'd changed for the better? That was real! It meant something, and I refused to let &alon's broken memories take that away from me. It was the one bit of growth in the middle of all this loss and decay.

All of this really would have been for nothing if I let myself fall back into my old habits. And I couldn't bear that. Too many people had suffered for me to get to where I am now.

"Genneth?" EUe said. "Get your head in the game! Now's not the time for wandering thoughts!"

Gosh, why did my epiphanies have to happen at the worst possible times?

Then the announcer yelled: "Let the battle begin!"

"Genneth!" EUe said.

"I'm on it!"

I started by making a forcefield around the two of us. One of our rivals was apparently uninterested in the idea of teamwork and immediately charged at us with his spear, hoping to catch us by surprise, only for him to be the surprised one, though he could have avoided it if he'd bothered to use his second eyelids and check if there might be a forcefield in his way.

Oh well.

My forcefield sent him flying. The crowd laughed; they loved it.

Then combat erupted around us in earnest.

"Eyes!" EUe yelled.

I looked down as EUe flashed several rapid, painfully bright pulses of light. Several of our attackers screamed, giving EUe the opening to lob several balls of fiery plasma out through my barrier. The orbs sped faster the further they traveled.

Two of the other teams were keeping close, fighting nearly back to back, with one teammate acting on defense with various wards and the other was attacking with spells.

One attack scraped off bits of the arena floor and launched them, spraying molten stone.

Then the ground beneath us shuddered.

EUe glared at me. "Fly! Now!" He pushed off the ground and rocketed upward.

I followed him, revving my wings and soaring. The noise was terrific!

I moved my forcefield along with us. Blinking my second eyelids, I saw the pataphysical great circle that was supporting my spherical barrier. The circle was roughly parallel to the haft of my spear, which I held with both hands.

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Down below, stone scraped and groaned. The arena's triangle tessellated floor receded, revealing the many metal spikes waiting hungrily underneath.

Then the announcer yelled: "First blood!"

I looked up. EUe had run one of our enemies through with his naginata. Both bloody halves of the dead twEfE's body fell, impaling themselves on the spikes.

Squelch. Squelch.

Suddenly, a horrific metallic shriek shattered the air. Even though my ears were little more than feather-covered holes on the sides of my head, the sound was still intense enough to make me want to rip them out and half my brain along with them. The shriek stunned everyone. My wings sputtered for a moment, and I dropped—falling many times my body length—but I was able to slow my descent by digging my talons into the arena's wall. It was like driving down an unpaved road; everything shook. But I was able to recover and take wing before impaling myself on one of the floor spikes.

One of our fellow combatants, however, was not so lucky.

EUe's skill was magnificent to behold. He'd summon fire in sparking ribbons that spiraled down his naginata's tip and then launch forward at blinding speed, corkscrewing through the air like a shooting star while tossing out plexuses to pull nearby opponents in. The attack charred a few limbs, but most of its targets succeeded at dodging it—but that was the entire plan.

I followed in EUe's wake, letting out hot and cold in alternating flashes, stunning my targets long enough to get a chance to hit them with my trusty spear. Most of them dodged, but I managed to hit one in the back, the spearhead going all the way through. It wasn't my first kill, but still, I was surprised by how little resistance there was after I'd pierced through the gap at the back of his armor.

I could feel my opponent's heartbeat vibrating down the shaft of the spear. Recalling what EUe had done, I spun myself around and swept my spear out in a long horizontal strike. By combining that with a helping pataphysical push, I pried the corpse off my weapon and flung it toward the spikes.

I couldn't help but stare at the blood. There was so much…

All the destruction made me flash back to the sight of the Vyx death ray obliterating Pel's body. She'd been right there! I could have saved her if I'd absorbed her. But I hadn't. I'd hesitated! I'd—

—EUe screamed. "Genneth! Look up!"

I did, and my feathers stood on end.

Fudge!

A patchy helix of molten rock was hurtling toward me.

Panicking, wings surging, I shot up and countered with another pataphysical push, launching the bits of lava back the way they came. My attacker replied by charging at me, with sabers in each hand, but I met him with another forcefield. As his arms bounced off and back, he countered with a forcefield of his own. He unfurled at his back, using it to push himself up against me. It sent me backwards, both of us drifting toward the arena wall. I could see the fire in his eyes. He was giving it his all, putting much more energy into his forcefield than I mine.

I didn't need to look over my shoulder to know he was about to slam me into the arena's wall.

Yelling, I turned my spear to the side and rammed its handle into my attacker's forearm while kicking at the air behind me.

I pushed off the stone.

I dispelled my forcefield and soared upward—and just in time. Without anything to oppose him, my opponent's momentum slammed him into the wall, though not before he cut off one of my toes.

I screamed.

EUe zapped my attacker with a lightning bolt and flew over to me a moment later, summoning a forcefield around us as a temporary shelter.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Half of the combatants were dead. Our remaining three opponents hid behind forcefields of their own. Of the three, two were teammates, leaving a single twEfE as the odd bird out.

EUe pointed at her. "Look, she's getting tired."

The bird's wingbeats sputtered occasionally. She shot nervous glances at the falling nectar stream closest to her.

"She's going to make a run for the nectar," EUe muttered. "If we intercept her there, it'll be down to two-on-two." He looked me in the eyes. "Can you handle it?"

Yet, all I could see were the dead twEfE. They weren't even real, just digital memories. And yet…

"Genneth!" he yelled.

I dropped my spear. It bounced to a stop on the floor of EUe's forcefield.

I ran my fingers through my head feathers.

What was I doing?

My thoughts raced.

Here we were, fighting for each other's lives, yet I couldn't muster up the basic decency to tell my supposed ally the truth of what I really was, and that wasn't right.

A lot of things weren't right.

All this time, I'd been desperate to find a way I could hold fast to the values I held dear without rejecting the traditions that had instilled them within me. That was why I'd never been able to make a true, conclusive break with Lassedicy. I couldn't bear the thought of living in a meaningless world, ruled by mere chance. How could my values have value if that value wasn't eternal?

EUe yelled at me in a panic, but I wasn't listening—not to him, anyhow.

I was listening to a voice within myself. One I'd been ignoring for far too long.

My struggle with &alon was just an extension of my struggle with my faith. Both had helped me; both had repulsed me.

"EUe…" I muttered.

Around me, everything seemed to slow down. I felt… distant. And yet, I felt truer than I'd ever felt before.

There was no shame in believing in fairy tales. It wasn't a crime to put your trust in a comforting lie. How could I begrudge others—let alone myself—for being afraid of the dark?

Lassedicy. &alon. Even my current quagmire. All of them had the same answer, even the longest childhoods had to end someday. And when the training wheels came off—when the falsehoods finally got left behind—that's when it fell to us to stand up tall for what we valued.

The right choice shouldn't depend on who was telling you to make it.

I yelled: "No!"

EUe paused mid-air and sent me a shocked look. "What!?"

I hovered down, grabbed my enchanted spear, pointed it skyward and rocketed up high, shattering through EUe's forcefield. My partner zoomed after me in a wild, wide-eyed star, beak ajar.

"Genneth, have you lost your mind?! What are you doing!?"

And I told him. I gave my Divulgence in a clear voice, with my fist clenched and my wings buzzing behind me.

"EUe, there's something I haven't told you. I'm part of the Blight. I'm one of the serpents," my voice cracked, "though we prefer to call ourselves wyrms—wyrms with a Y. I'm as much of a victim here as you are. All of us are. It's the Blight that's evil. Her name is &alon, and she's the one who's responsible for all this. And I need your help."

"I…" EUe hovered backward. "What?"

V tilted toward him in concern. "EUe…?"

"Did you not hear me?" I asked. "I'm one of the—"

"—Die, you bastards!"

The single, teammateless twEfE came rushing toward us, short swords at the ready. The bodies of the last remaining team lay impaled down below.

EUe and I went our separate ways, dodging her oncoming attack. I summoned a forcefield to stop her as she launched herself at me, but her weapons cut through it, leaving frayed plexus strands flailing though my second sight. Then EUe's naginata sprouted from the middle of her chest, glowing white hot.

He'd rammed her from behind.

She dropped her swords, blood spurting out of her beak. EUe shoved her body off the weapon with the push of a plexus. She smacked into the forcefield guarding the audience before plummeting to the sea of rusty spikes.

"And would you look at that!" the announcer said. "Blue Team wins!"

The crowd chanted: "For the Nectar! For the Nectar!"

Down below, the triangular tiles slide back in place, covering the spikes and the dead.

But neither of us were listening.

EUe trembled as he stared at me, wing beats buzzing like some devouring machine.

"What did you say?" he asked.

I clacked my beak, tail feathers shivering. "I'm a Blight serpent; a wyrm. And I'm telling you: we're victims, too! I need your help to stop your people from destroying the Blight, because if she dies, we die, along with all the souls we carry."

"This…" EUe shook his head. "You…" I could see his chest heaving beneath his blue leather armor. His pupils dilated, feathers ruffling like leaves in the wind.

Then he soared up, raised his head to the sky and shrieked a war cry. It was a demon piccolo's song, and stung my ears with its pain.

He was literally flying into a rage.

Thrumming his wings with redoubled power, EUe launched himself toward me, stabbing with his beak and naginata. I managed to dart out of the way, but then, with a frenzied scream, he stuck out his hand and blasted a coruscating blue laser beam. I zipped to the left, pulling all but my tail feathers out of the blast's way, but it was no use.

The laser was more than just a laser. It had kick. Anything in its path got swept up and flung forward, and it didn't matter whether they were smack-dab in the middle of its striking zone, or at the periphery, like me.

I hit one of the upper platforms back first. Agony sharded through me—a gift from my broken bones.

I trembled like a crushed bug.

"Evil! EVIL!!" EUe shrieked. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!"

And my heart broke, not just because I was seeing a friend in pain, but because I could see myself in that pain.

Had I been like that, when Pel had died?

The thought terrified me.

Neither of us deserved to be monsters.

Though it was a struggle, I succeeded in pushing myself up from the stone platform with a single, trembling arm. I coughed. I was 80% sure I'd just coughed up blood.

"Do what you want," I added.

"EUe!" V yelled.

The little Vyx module had flown out through the now-open portcullis at the base of Victor's Rise and was speeding toward us, but EUe ignored him, and dove down with a scream, his polearm's blade aimed right at me.

He rammed his naginata's blade through my gut, scraped me off the stone, and flung me toward the ground. I put up no resistance. I didn't even bother to run. Instead, I kept perfectly still, content to let him wail on me. He punched me, kicked me, tore through me with beak and claw.

I deserved it for lying. But not only that.

I was too good of a neuropsychiatrist to fail to notice that EUe was acting out of instinctive rage. Even if he still hated me once he was back to his senses, that didn't change the fact that until he returned to his senses, there was no way for me to know for sure.

So, I let myself be his punching bag.

Darkness was already creeping in around the edges of my vision. My body was numb by the time I hit the ground.

EUe pulled out a pair of daggers from his belt and slashed, carving into me with abandon.

My death came suddenly. In fact, it was barely even an interruption. One moment, I was lying on the arena's stone-tessellated floor, the next, I was back in the Cage's training area, with my instructor's clenched fist hurtling toward my face and my body screaming for nectar. I didn't even get a chance to dodge; EUe loped at me, wings abuzz. The two of us collided mid air and tumbled to the floor, feathers scraping against the stone.

Again, I put up no resistance.

EUe clawed into me, cutting gashes into the now-white leather of my light armor. He was on top of me as we skidded to a stop amidst the dust and dried blood, pressing his knees into my back.

It hurt like heck.

I turned my head to look over my shoulder, and then blinked, and then blinked again.

EUe had his hands up, fingers bent, ready to claw into my face some more, but he held back. His limbs trembled, but… he was holding back!

The onslaught had stopped.

Trembling, I managed to flip myself onto my back with my elbows. EUe quivered with rage. V hovered near the wall, front end bright, watching us cautiously.

Even he was keeping his distance.

EUe shook his fists. His tail feathers stuck out like knives. The sound of his wings made my skull feel like glass as he took to the air. He was an earthquake, hovering inches above me.

And he yelled. "Fight me! Fight me!! Get up! Get! Up!"

EUe flung his arm upward. His magic flipped me back onto my belly. My blood boiled.

For a moment, the pain of EUe's blows had made me forget that I was hungry. But my body remembered.

Primal rage and nectarlust poured through my thoughts, making me shake as I pushed myself up by my elbows.

But I didn't rise to strike him. I fought the urge—and EUe noticed. He hovered back, eyes widening in surprise.

My head was like a great stone perched on my shoulders, but I lifted it up and aimed my unsteady beak at my opponent.

Angel, I was a ball of pain and puffed feathers.

EUe's beak was ajar. His sandaled feet pressed against the floor as his wingbeats slowed.

Then I looked him in the eyes and screamed. "The Blight says she's my daughter! It says she's my daughter!"

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