“Why did it end up like this? Is it because Christine dumped you?”At the sound of that name, his eyes widened briefly, then he slumped helplessly against the backrest.“So you know Christine.”I tossed the remark off without much interest. He spoke gruffly, in contrast to the coquettish line.“Then who was it that snitched on you to my sister? You don’t remember? We met once in the manager’s office, remember?”“I don’t remember.”I laid my hand on his thigh.“You don’t remember, and Christine doesn’t remember.”“Right. People get dumped sometimes. Cheer up.”He brushed my hand off his thigh and replied dryly. I stared up at him for a moment, then placed my hand back on his thigh. I gripped his thigh firmly and pushed him off my knee. He sprang up in surprise, staring at me in confusion.“Thanks. I have someone waiting for me, so move over.”He said nothing, just looked at me, then turned and walked away.That night, I never managed to meet the cocaine dealer. It was probably a common trick: wait until the drugs run low, disappear for a few days, then resurface and quietly raise the price. I understood it in my head, but it still left me feeling empty. I slumped in my chair like a corpse in front of an empty glass. It was so late the staff left me there and took care of closing up without me. Teddy hauled me to my feet as soon as we finished work and we caught a taxi.Back at the apartment, I lay on the bed but couldn’t sleep. The side effects of the drugs were sharply reducing my sleep time. Before, the side effect had knocked me out like a dead person, but maybe it changes with age. As always, I lay on the bed holding Teddy. He couldn’t sleep either since I was awake. I buried my nose in his hair and waited endlessly for him to drift off, then suddenly lifted my head and asked,“Teddy. What will you do if I run out of money and become a full-blown junkie?”“I’ll sell you to the brothel and make a profit.”Teddy answered without hesitation. I ran my fingers over his cheek and asked,“So you’d buy me?”He didn’t answer. After a long while, just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard a belated reply in my ear.“No.”The next day I didn’t even make it to New Contan. I wandered around after leaving Teddy’s apartment, and eventually my body gave out and I fell asleep on the street. I only woke when the police shook me awake. The one good thing was that, foolish as I was, I hadn’t given them the name of the strip club at New Contan.I told them Teddy’s apartment address and waited huddled at the entrance. Teddy came home much later than usual—well after sunrise. Seeing me sprawled at the door, he exploded with anger. He kicked my stomach and thighs and yelled,“You fucking piece of shit! You junkie bitch! If you’re here, you should tell me, you fucking bastard!”Then he sat on me, pounding fists into my face. My head whipped around from the blows. He kept shouting until the neighbor downstairs yelled at him to shut up.Once inside the apartment, he closed the door and kissed me fiercely. His ragged breath carried a faint scent of sweat. We tumbled into the entryway and tangled our tongues. His hot flesh pressed against mine, teeth biting fiercely, sucking my lips. He scratched my neck and [N O V E L I G H T] forearms with his nails, almost cutting off my air. His lips and tongue burned. Every time I tilted my jaw to breathe, he bit me savagely. When I pushed his shoulder away, he grabbed my wrist and forced me back. Teddy rubbed and tangled his tongue until he was satisfied, then bit me hard as if I’d annoyed him.As he kissed me, he rubbed his hardened shaft against me. We finally broke apart, foreheads pressed together, gasping for air. While fumbling to undo his belt and zip his fly, our breaths grew harsher even without touching tongues. Noses rubbing, panting in each other’s warm breath. As soon as he freed himself, he grabbed my hardening member through my trousers. I moaned softly as he rubbed it with his big, rough hand. Pressing hips together, he moved his hand frantically. We both climaxed at almost the same moment, heads collapsing onto each other’s shoulders as we struggled to catch our breath.We must have been utterly exhausted. I’d lain on a hard floor all day; he looked just as worn out. Yet he glared at me, anger still twisting his face. I kissed the tip of his nose as I stared at his flushed features. He immediately frowned.“You bastard.”I tapped his head gently. He rubbed his hair, grumbling.“You deserve that.”Instead of speaking, I pulled him down onto the floor beside me. He slumped against me irritably.“Why are we lying here?”“Because.”I kissed him deeply and buried my nose in his sweat-sweet hair. He tried to lift me, but I fell asleep before he could do anything.When I woke the next day, bruises mottled my stomach and thighs. I showered, then, wearing only underwear, showed Teddy as he prepared breakfast. He glanced at me casually and took a shepherd’s pie from the oven. When I clung to him whining, he pushed me away brusquely.“Quit whining.”“It hurts.”“You brought it on yourself.”I tickled his ear to soften his tone.“I’m telling you, it hurts.”“Stop that and eat.”He swung me onto his back and set the pie on the table. I rested my chin on his shoulder and slipped my hand inside his shirt.“It really hurts.”“What do you want me to do?”“I’m just saying it hurts.”“You really…”He spun around and jabbed my bruised belly with his finger. I screamed, and he laughed cruelly as he wrapped his arms around me.“Big guy like you whining.”His finger slowly traced my abs and caressed my thigh. As he bent to kiss my shoulder and chest, he suddenly froze. I followed his gaze uneasily and flinched. He was staring at the tattoo of George between my thighs.Silence. He stepped back. I backed against the sink. Pointing to between my legs with his chin, he asked in a cold, clipped tone,“What’s that?”“What do you think… just a tattoo.”I scratched my head. His reaction sharpened.“Why would you tattoo something like that?”“I didn’t do it. An old friend thought it’d be funny.”“As a joke?”He shook his head in disbelief.“Never mind that. You should get it removed. Even thinking about it makes me sick.”“Yeah. I’ll do it.”I approached and kissed him briefly.“Shall we eat? It probably won’t taste good, but I’m hungry.”Ignoring Teddy’s grumble that I’d better not eat if I thought it tasted bad, I sat at the table. We cursed at each other over the meal. Afterwards, we naturally drank. He didn’t forbid it, but he was edgy about it.The next day Teddy woke me before he left for work and took me along. While opening the club, he stuck by my side. I trailed him as he greeted bartenders and waitstaff who now recognized me, and the dancers on stage. After the club opened, Teddy sat me where the bartenders could watch and handed me a beer.He said sternly,“Just this today. You already drank at home.”“I don’t want to.”He dug into my pocket, took all my money, and said,“Don’t buy drugs either. If you get caught, consider yourself dead.”“I don’t want to.”Though he looked like he wanted to hit me, he didn’t. Instead, he snapped,“If you say no one more time, I’ll beat you senseless.”“I don’t…”He left without waiting to hear the rest.Whether I liked it or not, I had no choice but to follow Teddy’s rules. No one at the bar would serve me. I hugged the empty bottle I’d already finished, huddled in the chair as the cold and tremors set in. I drifted in and out of consciousness—dozing off in the chair, waking at the music, dozing again. Then I opened my eyes and saw someone sitting opposite me.“Are you protesting me?”The tone—one pitch higher than her normal voice—was familiar. Her voice was clearer when she was sober. It was Christine after weeks apart. Christine (크리스틴, Keu-ri-seu-tin) sat with her legs crossed in a black maxi dress that reached her toes, perfectly groomed from head to heel.I gave her a crooked smile. “Long time no see. What’s up?”She snorted. “I told you before—I hate beating around the bush.”She crossed her arms stubbornly. A staff member passing behind Christine glanced at me. I shook my head slightly and turned back to her.“…Okay. I hate it too.”When I finally responded, she scoffed. Today her golden bobbed hair swayed just below her chin.“So tell me. What’s going on?”“I heard you’re doing coke. You’re a completely different person than you were a few weeks ago when you came to see me.”“What’s that got to do with you?”“How is that not protest? You got blackout drunk in front of Harry and used drugs so he’d hear you talk about yourself.”“I don’t even know who Harry is.”I wanted a drink. I shoved my trembling hand in my pocket.“I come to this club because my friend works here. I don’t know why I owe you any explanation.”“Friend?”She scoffed. Whether from the air conditioning or something else, I felt cold.“You mean Manager Teddy? The asshole who beats people up and extorts the tiny tips they make? And you’re friends with him?”“Well, he feeds me, gives me a place to sleep, and takes care of me… so he’s more like a boyfriend than a friend.”“You call that asshole your boyfriend? Isn’t he playing pimp too, skimming money in the middle?”“So what? You want me to get paid by him for sex?”Leaning back in my chair, I replied nonchalantly. Christine stared at me silently. The silence didn’t last long. She lifted her handbag from her lap and stood. I looked up at her—she was tall—and met her cold gaze. Her frosty voice drilled into my ear.“You never change your rotten ways.”The click of her strappy heels retreated behind me. I listened to the brisk tapping, then sprang up. She walked off without a backward glance, her flowing skirt trailing. I nearly stumbled chasing after her. I staggered but still walked faster than she in heels.I grabbed her shoulder hard. She turned. Before she could react, I punched her cheek. Startled, she stumbled back several steps, teeth clenched. I advanced, rage and cold making me tremble.“You never change your rotten ways?”“Who ran off like a dog with its tail between its legs?”

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