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Okay Katrin, I'm going to write down everything. Don't worry about the comment functionality, just edit anything that you think is wrong. Some of this stuff I just learned recently while bored and reading through some books in the memory palace, and we haven't discussed before so I'm eager to hear if you think I'm fucking anything up. For the dates on the stuff you were there for, I think I got them all right but I won't swear to it.

For the stuff in the original timeline, it's all still very fuzzy. I can go look things up in the memory palace, but I haven't really bothered yet. I think as we start trying to recreate the list of problems from the Grand Alignment Task Force for the Primarch I'll have to duck into those memories way more. Hopefully there are no surprises.

Old Shit (fantasyland):

4,989,119 days ago as of 11/25/25 (that's right bitch, I did the math!) the planes start... plane-ing. This is just over 13,659 (Earth) years ago, which means evolution isn't a factor in any of the monsters unless the gods used some of the planes to breed them with accelerated time beforehand. Maybe that's what Besetie is for? That's a question for another time.

People started off on the continent of Calnon, and began using magic. Every area had its own unique language of magic, and if they tried to spread out too far linguistic drift would make using magic harder. Lots of like... magic warlords and shit polluted everything and turned the whole fucking continent into a radioactive mess.

At some point, around the time Calnon is being abandoned, the survivors start serving (worshipping?) the Twelve Families of spirits. They live in Enimondoa, but the humans end up living all over including some of the other planes. Also I guess each family has a whole city in Zirkolo.

During the 7th age, so the time leading up to the 7th Grand Alignment, there's some sort of falling out, some of the families are wiped out or greatly diminished, the cities on Zirkolo are abandoned. Groups of people on the other planes still try to keep sorta-worshipping the 12 families, but it's not remotely an empire anymore.

This is also when Poicelria was around doing fate shit, or maybe she got powerful first and then the families had that crisis later. For all I know it was related, who cares, this is all very long ago. It was all during the 7th age but an age is like 1,500 (Earth) years so a lot can happen.

Less-Old Shit (fantasyland):

At the 7th Grand Alignment, so the dawn of the 8th Age, the Clockmaker somehow takes over the one domain in Quebristun. This lets him have massive influence over the language of magic. At the same time he introduces High Imperial, and it's such a good language immediately a lot of people start using it.

Over the next 1,500 (Earth) years he slowly takes over the whole world other than Erathik which he lets slide on a technicality that's still basically them being conquered but acting like they aren't.

He also goes after the other planes. Some go well for him (he kills the people that were in Brinkmar and moves in, he gets the guys on Boluq and Uihene to swear fealty) and some go kinda badly (he obliterates the whole plane the Queen of Candles was on (it got better? Or some tiny bit survived? Unclear.) and ends up in a prolonged war with the Sahrger in Xeyul).

Clockmaker also wipes out Biltagiretzae which was already supposedly mostly empty, somehow turns it into infinite plane of hollow metal cubes for storage. Sounds like he wanted to do stuff like this to some of the other planes too, for other purposes?

Soon(?) before the 8th Grand Alignment, the Clockmaker clears out Poicelria's old fortress. Takes a bunch of stuff, even strips alchemical metals from the walls. Grunkle is with him? Somehow? And gets left behind.

At the 8th Grand Alignment, the Clockmaker (according to Jeort, who heard from Gilbrecht Halenvar) traps fate.

Just after that, Tindelus does something. The Clockmaker is killed (unless you believe the delusional folks in the newer Eternal Empire who swear daddy will be back for them) and the Empire collapses quickly as people divvy things up.

The Clockmaker's daughter(?) takes over Brinkmar but doesn't seem to give a shit about the rest of the world.

Erathik has been waiting for this for YEARS and takes over the surrounding cities. The Eternal Empire, Halenvar, and Markonti (and probably some others that got wiped out in the years following) are run by people who are claiming they're the true continuation of the Empire. Other places are just like "fuck it nobody is in charge this is my city now".

Lots of chaos, lots of warlords, but now they're almost all using High Imperial so there's no magic radiation problems.

Some sort of very very important treaty is signed. Everyone settles the fuck down, and there's unprecedented peace (unprecedented in any time where one empire hasn't beaten the rest of the world into submission, anyway). Any further conflicts are relatively minor, little border shifts and stuff. Even the tiny cities group up for protection (Free States, Coastal Alliance) and sign the treaty.

The Clockmaker's daughter(?) dies mysteriously despite being supposedly immortal. New queen is now in charge.

Something similar to, but distinct from, the plot of the Jake Ross books happens. Brinkmar is now cursed and portals are locked down.

My Shit (Earth):

5yrs Old (Earth age): I get swapped with Human!Calliope.

Later that year mom sees me curse someone, figures out what I am. She starts leaving me places in the hope I'll get swapped back, doesn't fucking tell me what's going on. This leads to me going into foster care when I'm six, but they put me back with her.

8yrs Old: Mom tries to murder me with iron. This probably doesn't deserve its own bullet point but FUCK YOU the scissors are mine now. Went back into foster care thanks to festering wound from iron. Get sent back to mom again.

9yrs Old: Go to live at the Long Haul Hotel for a while. People find out I'm not going to school, CPS gets involved, eventually they yet again put me back with my mom for some fucking reason.

10-11yrs Old: Back in foster care, that goes badly, moved to group home.

Late 11, early 12: back with mom and for a while she seems better. Also, I got drunk on Schnapps and shit myself and since then I stuck to weed like a reasonable child (don't let your kids do drugs and drink, it's not considered a good thing).

12yrs Old: Mom drives me to AZ and turns me over to the state using a badly worded Safe Haven law. Also at 12, I totally cursed a kid to make her hair fall out and in return she tried to drown me.

13yrs Old: Bill becomes my case manager.

14yrs Old: Bill realizes I'm a Sahrger, doesn't fucking tell me, does tell Greg who initially wants to put me in a specimen jar but compromises and just wipes my memory. Bill immediately quits being a case manager entirely.

Still 14, I went to live at Universal Servicing Systems for a whole year. Met Tony.

15yrs Old: Tried to learn parkour, fell off a building and almost died. Good times. This isn't relevant to anything, I just wanted to mention it because boy was I a dumbass. Later, I got caught by Paul the security guard and arrested for trespassing, and Bill came and got me and let me live with him.

Lived with Bill for a year. Got nicer. Did charity stuff with him.

16yrs Old: Bill gives me the Jake Ross boxed set. Old lady gives him the Planar Lodestone, I steal it.

I play around with the planar lodestone, meanwhile Coelestis finds out about me having the books and they try to get them off me. Still not totally sure why.

After I fuck with them some, an agent chases Zoey and I into Nusos. Zoey gets lost there, I get out and decide to fight them. I break into Greg's vault, get away.

I work with Tony, and have him hold onto the lodestone. I wipe my own memory of looping Tony in, and of switching dust jackets on the books. Then I burn the book, and try to convince the Coelestis guy (and then Greg) that I don't have the lodestone anymore, so I have nothing they want. This doesn't work super well, and Greg decides to kill me instead.

Mystery man shows up, attacks Greg. I almost get away but part of the building falls on me. Tony takes the lodestone. Bill takes me from the hospital and then he and Greg wipe my memories. Booo. I get dumped at a group home.

17yrs Old: Get job at hardware store. Get license. Get shit together.

18th birthday: That motherfucker Adrian and his girlfriend steal my money and bolt, leaving me homeless. Get yanked to fantasyland thanks to Human!Calliope.

Recent But Before My Arrival Shit (fantasyland):

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Zoey gets adopted by Matlyn's family despite being basically an adult by fantasyland standards. She later finds out the mom is embezzling and the mom tries to murder her. Yikes.

As the Grand Alignment approaches, all the treaty nations work together to identify any fucked up shit that's going to happen. Cultists summoning demons, guys using extra magic to blow up entire cities, etc. The Eternal Empire takes the lead, which will turn out to be bad since they kinda suck.

Halenvar finds something out, and they suddenly start attacking and destroying all the portals to Brinkmar they don't control. War starts.

Halenvar soldiers led by Cyra (never met her, but on the same level as Behemoth and Jeort) attack Yallowsben, it seems like they were trying to get Katrin's spellbook. Her dad kills them? I guess? But then for whatever reason lets himself go to a mining colony on Tarmestal rather than explain anything. Katrin finds and starts trying to study the spellbook.

Old Timeline Shit:

1st of the 5th: I appear, almost die.

I recover, manage to make my way down to Yallowsben, I get my allergies fixed but have to agree to work it off. This is hard because I don't speak the fucking language.

After surviving the winter, having now met Errod and Katrin, we make plans to move to somewhere nicer. This is partly determined by when we can travel with merchants, and we eventually end up going to Theramas.

To be clear, this is already further along in the timeline than we are this go around. It's currently the 24th of the 11th in fantasyland (or the 25th of November on Earth, the 11th months of both places were SO CLOSE to lining up!) but we didn't get to Theramas until some time in the 4th month of next year.

Lived in that apartment over Mila's shop. Kept learning the language. Tried to learn magic from Katrin but failed.

As the 1st of the 8th approaches, the Empire is desperate to find someone that can get them into Brinkmar.

Katrin and Errod are murdered in an alley. I get arrested and go to trial, mention Brinkmar.

The Endless Empire snags me JUST too late to open the way into Brinkmar. They now have one shot, at the Grand Alignment.

I spend the next 180 days locked up, occasionally escaping and getting hauled back by Hugh.

Thanks to Helma, I also get to do actual work with the task force. We work together and she shows me what she's working on, which is all about that asshole that was going after the lost Duminere. At some point that expedition happens.

Human!Calliope breaks in to where I'm staying, and tries to kill me. I kill her instead, and Hammersmith tells me she had my face because she was a Klunlesh. With her gone, and also driven a little crazy by being locked up, I get meaner and meaner.

I become convinced that Ulren is going to do some crazy time travel shit. I argue to be let in the Duminere to get Comprehension so I can better understand some of Ulren's plans that have been recovered. Instead, I get more than that and start trying to prove that time is all fucked up.

My Dumine develops super fast, thanks to me being some sort of freak AND a truly unethical training regimen I'm put through. I prove I can go back in time.

The Grand Alignment arrives, and I am allowed to go through with everyone because with it already being the last minute there's no point in keeping me back.

The whole thing in Brinkmar actually goes better in the original timeline, probably because at that point the curse had done more and the war had worn down Halenvar's troops and they'd been cut off from supplies for longer. It doesn't matter though, because then the doomsday device goes off and destroys the world. I'm safe in Ulren's lab which he's designed specifically to resist the void for long enough for him to reset the world.

Matlyn, Cyne, and what's-her-name manage to open a door from Earth back into Nusos and die from it. Not sure when they went to Earth, probably later than in our timeline thanks to Halenvar burning down Steel Tooth.

I re-wire things some, and put everything back where it was on the day I arrived. Just like that I fuck the whole thing up by making there be 720 extra days in the cycle.

Now in the new timeline, I (old timeline me) am all fucked up from time mana and end up having to turn myself over to the Endless Empire so I won't just die. Convince them to send Hugh to take me a letter, leave instructions with Mila, and hope for the best.

Notable Shit (new timeline):

1st of the 5th: I appear, almost die several times.

9th of the 5th: Meet Hugh, almost die.

11th of the 5th: Meet Errod, almost die.

16th of the 5th: Handoleren (arson, fun! Hugh leaves, sad.)

19th of the 5th: Connie (old timeline me) meets with Sentortzi. This isn't super important but it's a date I know so I'm putting it on here.

25th of the 5th: Attack on Theramas. Mila jailbreaks us (me and me) the next day and we go to Good Charl to hire a crew.

29th of the 5th: we flee into Xeyul to avoid Halenvar and Empire soldiers. Man, think about how much that decision changed.

32nd of the 5th: we descend into the Necropolis.

36th of the 5th: We finally get back out of the Necropolis, and holy shit everything up to this point was ONE MONTH. A too-long fantasyland month, but still! Katrin, if you are reading this, you knew me for twenty-four days at this point. That's it. What the fuck. It's wild how accelerated relationships can get when you're constantly in danger or doing stupid shit.

3rd of the 6th: Zistarne. Connie dies.

6th of the 6th: We enter Nusos.

8th of the 6th: We go into the Duminere and get our Dumines!

12th of the 6th: Katrin meets Lute. Awwww.

18th of the 6th: We leave Erathik, ready to start training and stuff. Some mystery shit happens as we leave, without which we would have been nabbed by the guards. Still no idea what the fuck happened there.

25th of the 6th: I finally am able to start using my Dumines properly.

35th of the 6th: Unlocked my memory palace, a very important day.

8th of the 7th: That Knight of the Storm asshole tried to kill me.

10th of the 7th: Drop off Elba at her home, meet the lovely and pleasant Moss-In-Bloom, head off to take a boat to the jungle.

33rd of the 7th: I fight some bounty hunters to save Katrin and Errod. Shitheel actually does a good job.

9th of the 8th: Errod cuts his own fucking hand off, in what will come to be known as the single most badass move in the history of fantasyland.

15th of the 8th: I get adopted by Katrin and Errod, meet Sentortzi, fight Ulren, saved in various ways by Human!Calliope and Hugh, go with Hammersmith. Wild fucking day.

1st of the 10th: Brinkmar opens. I save Katrin and Errod from the Knights of the Storm, cause absolute chaos.

3rd of the 10th: Errod gets his sword, Tindelus released.

6th of the 10th: Escape from Brinkmar.

16th of the 10th: Sign on with Mama Carnage's Ethical Mercenaries.

22nd of the 10th: Get fucked up by slag so now my sternum is made of wood or something, hell if I know.

26th of the 10th: Fight that asshole who stole that ancestral blade from the auction house. (Fun fact for Katrin, I couldn't remember the name before but thanks to the Internet I can tell you the word I was looking for was "macuahuitl", check out how similar it is, other than the blades being metal and stuff!)

31st of the 10th: Fuck over the queen of the Sahrger by freeing Glaistig.

33rd of the 10th: Leave on what is technically still this job, have that fucking bonkers dinner with Katrin's future mother-in-law.

6th of the 11th: Temple of Convergence.

7th of the 11th / 8th of November: Arrive on Earth, rob a hardware store / antique store.

11th of the 11th / 12th of November: I fuck up Earth's Common Local Understanding or something. (Also the day of the foretold photo.)

14th of the 11th / 15th of November: Drop off Human!Calliope with mom. Next night is the Coelestis job.

21st of the 11th / 22nd of November: Greg mind controls a bunch of government guys, we lose Grunkle, tons of people die.

Today is the 25th of November (24th of the 11th) and the day after tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, at which point we'll - in theory - raid Greg's vault and steal all his shit. After that, depending on how it goes, Greg will either be dead or have all his plans ruined. If we feel like we're done here we'll probably stay a few more days to do some trips to other countries now that the planar lodestone has been confirmed to work, and we'll be back in fantasyland by the 1st of the 12th.

That will leave us like 467ish days to stop the end of the world. If you don't count the original timeline it's only been 240 days since I got to fantasyland, and look what we've been able to accomplish! Now we have more than 200 days longer than that and only need to save the world one time. I'm feeling better about this every day.

Katrin, if you're still reading this remind me to download a copy of this before we leave Earth. Also, walk down to the QuickTrip and get me some candy. Please?

Next chapter will be updated first on this website. Come back and continue reading tomorrow, everyone!

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