1 Floor One - Harpy
     My name is Richard Long, but you can call me, Dick, for short.


    Not that there's anything "short" about my you-know-what. Wink. Wink.


    AhemFive seconds in, and I'm already making sex jokes. Apologies. Let's continue with the self-introduction, shall we?


    As I was saying, my name is Dick Long (*snicker*), and I'm a F-class adventurer. Which means I'm "Fucking amazing". That or "Flunkie". It's so hard to tell these days, what with the preponderance of classification systems. But regardless, I'm a beginner, a rookie, a n00b. I literally just got my adventuring license from the adventuring guild (because where else would you get an adventuring license? A fucking grocery store?), and it's still hot off the press, warm to the touch. I chose "Druid" as my class by the way, in case you were wondering. And if you weren't, well, fuck you. I mean, fuck me-? I mean, let's just agree to disagree about who deserves to be fucked.


    Speaking of fucking, I have a confession to make. I'm a bit abnormal, a bit unlike the typical adventurers you see roaming about. Whereas your standard issue adventurer goes around slaying mobs for experience, and thus leveling up, a rare genetic defect I was born with renders me unable to gain experience in such ways. So no stabby-stabby for me. Instead, I have to sleep my way up the ladder, if you know what I mean. And if you don't, I'm talking about sex.


    By "sexing" my enemies into submission, I am able to harness their "essence" and use it to power myself up, gaining levels that way. At the present, I am level five. For reference, S-class adventurers can reach levels in the hundreds. So it's without exaggeration that I tell you I'm a complete scrub. But I also happen to be a complete scrub that's standing on the first floor of what's widely known as the "Impossible LE Dungeon", a dungeon so difficult, that no one has ever cleared it. Not even the S-class adventurers I was mentioning previously. Not even the SS-class adventurers, nor the SSS-class adventurers. Or however many S's you may fancy to add.


    Now, you may be wondering, "What the fuck is a level five scrub doing in such a difficult dungeon?" And to that, I respond, "Good question, mate."


    Seriously though, I was just looking for the toilet. Whoever decided it was a good idea to put, "Portable Toilet", next to, "Portal To iled", deserves to be fired, and I mean with coals and all. But whatever. Now that I'm already here, I might as well look around a bit first before I leave, right? Besides, what's the worst that can happen?


    ****


    Okay, the worst happened. Or rather, it's happening. I'm being chased by a harpy, and there are no other adventurers around to help me.


    I'll admit, the situation may be a bit of my own doing. I was suckered in by the harpy's alluring voice, curious as to the source of the lovely melody wafting through the air. But I got too close, and when I saw the harpy's hideous form, I must have let out an expression of disgust which seemed to piss the creature off. And now she's chasing after me, flying a dozen feet above my head. Occasionally, she'll swoop down, reaching for my face and neck with her razor sharp talons. I've managed to fend her off so far, but I don't think I can elude her forever, so it's probably time for me to take some offensive maneuvers.


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