98 Hands
     Ryder immediately pouted, "what's that supposed to mean?"


    "What do you think it means?" Regan asked playfully.


    "That you don't care about me. Also, it's the same thing you said about Vixen, be creative," Ryder scolded


    "Well I've only known you for like 10 minutes now, of course, I don't care about you, but if you say be creative, it doesn't change because I don't care. I don't mind it at all," Regan shrugged.


    "Don't mind it at all?" Ryder cocked his head in confusion, "is it not surprising? Disgusting? Annoying? Curious? Why do you have no reaction at all?"


    "Hmm let's see¡­" Regan muttered, looking away from Ryder to try to piece her thoughts into words. She turned back to him when she got it, "I've lost the ability to feel surprised, I've met something more disgusting than you could ever be and annoying? I also know something three times as annoying as you could ever be. Curiosity? Do I deserve it??"


    Ryder cocked his head in confusion.


    "I ask myself this question whenever I feel the need to know more. Do I deserve it? Do I deserve to know about this person if so is it enough to ask about their past?" Regan explained, "right now I only have enough knowledge about you to only know about your hobbies and such. Things like a disorder or past are things some people would rather keep to themselves but there are some people that deserve to know that. I am not one of them. I've only known you for an hour total and you for like 10 minutes. Who am I to ask about something so personal?"


    An 'ah' of understanding slipped out of Ryder's mouth. He understood but didn't like it. "What if I want you to know?"


    Regan wasn't surprised at his question. She had predicted it. "Same goes for that," She nodded, "even if you tell me that you want me to know, if I decide that I do not deserve to know then I will not want to listen and will be uncomfortable carrying that new knowledge on me if you tell me."


    Ryder gave out a dissatisfied sigh, "that's quite a strict way to live."


    "It's my way to live. If I step out of that circle, waves hit me at once and I get drowned. I'll rather be guarded than drown again," Regan smiled desolately.


    She hadn't thought this way before, but now it became something that she tried to keep close to her heart. After Vixen stormed off she had been thinking about a lot of things and it all came down to the simple phrase, 'do I deserve it?' Vixen was in charge of her meaning they should have had a basic understanding of each other like favorite food, job, hobbies e.t.c. None of that was made. After missing that crucial part of their encounter, the issue was bound to come up, especially since Regan had a more widely known job. In her defense, it was a matter of 'does he deserve it?' He never met that condition.


    Regan noticed Ryder's stare, it had a bit of the pity she had expected to see in peoples eyes if she mentioned her story, except she hadn't even talked about her story to anyone.She didn't want to see their reactions.


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